20th
hubbabubba nightmare
I have an infection in both of my eyes. My right one hurts to looks around and is really gross. I suppose this teaches me for rubbing my eyes incessantly. It hurts quite a bit and I can’t really see.
It has been nice being home. My family are great to be around, I’ve finally regained the perspective I lost having lived with them for so long. Before I left, it got to the point where I was so depressed and anxious I was treating them horribly but didn’t care. I am glad I have sorted those problems out, my family is more important than anything else to me.
The night I got here, I went on a hunt with my sister and her friends for abandoned/haunted houses; it was really neat and also creepy. We ended up stargazing on top of a 3-story stack of marshmallow bales. I liked that.
The next night I ended up at a ridiculous starcraft tournament at Kevin’s. Everyone was both stupid drunk and hitting the vaporizer, which I’m sure improved our skills. Speaking of computer games, Colin’s trying to get me back into WoW, but I’m holding my ground for the moment.
Since being home, I have avoided the ex who wanted to get back together with me, that situation got very strange very quickly. On a different note, I’m friends with Kim again, which makes me glad. We had coffee and went for a walk and talked for a few hours, I really enjoyed it. When I first saw her in the coffee shop, I was scared but didn’t show it. I had bad dreams for a year and a half because I left things the way I did when I left for UBC, just like I did with my family. I think that guilt will be with me for a long time. I was a walking catastrophe when it comes to dealing with emotions. I can express nice ones, but I hide and fester negative emotions whenever I sense expressing them will cause problems. I’m working on it. I’m much better at asserting myself than I was a few months ago. Spending time with friends has taught me a lot in that regard.
Cam just came over and we discussed plans for a Europe trip at the end of the summer. I have always wanted to have a picnic next to the Seine at night, Paris is all gorgeous lights. When I was there last time and saw the glow on the water it all felt strangely familiar. I’d like to live there eventually. I also fell in love with the Metro on my previous trip. We’re also talking about going to Bruges and London and we are stoked on Italy… ideas are all over the place but there is a lot of keen intent. Cam plans to go regardless of travel companions.
A few days before break, I found an expensive suitcase locked to a tree in the woods above Wreck. Naturally, I was curious and went with a bunch of friends and a pair of bolt-cutters late at night. We were also quite high. It was gone, unfortunately. They figured it was a student hiding drugs and wanted to take them, I just enjoyed the mystery. If it actually was drugs it could have been a bad situation, so I’m rather glad it was gone.
This weekend, I was supposed to go to Victoria with my sister and her boyfriend Mitch, but my dad gave me file work to do and I have a 1800 word essay that I haven’t started and am rather concerned about. I feel bad though, I think my brother believes I don’t want to see him. I miss him.
I am thinking of writing children’s books in the future. That was Kim’s suggestion. I never wanted to grow up in the first place.
Also, I may be going on a week-long character and leadership-building trip. It is in Snowbird Utah and called Horizons. I really hope it works out, a lot of other people applied… Once I master my confidence problems I’ve had since high school, I think my lack of motivation and direction will finally be at an end.
OH MY GOD MY EYE IS AHSDAKHFALKSHF:LKAHS:LKFN:LKANSF
