29th
Rant
I just realized the primary item I confide in is my facebook status. I don’t think this is healthy. I decided not to be friends with Tony or Josh any more, as of this evening. The only thing I do is play tennis with Tony, so this will probably mean no exercise. They are horribly inconsiderate and don’t give a shit about anyone, and I feel continuing to be friends with them is saying I approve of their behaviour and that it in effect demeans my own morals. Also, they’ve done some really shitty things to me in the past which I attempted to forgive in a virtuous fashion, but am becoming increasingly convinced is naivety. I spend too much time defining what I think is right to allow what I see as wrong manifest itself unchecked in front of me constantly. I am miserable. These were my only two real friends at home now who I talk to. Also, I seem to be excluded from social events because my ex-girlfriend hates me. I don’t really blame her.
The world is going to run out of gas and water and is already past its current carrying capacity for food production. Humans should not exist in such mass numbers. Rousseau said agriculture and the construction of societies will leave us fucked eventually, as they are completely unnatural, and there is no hope for redemption. The problem that has brought us here is the preservation of “human” life, violating natural predation and especially survival of the fittest, through technology and the adaptations of societies. In any case, our fuel-based economy is going to be fucked shortly, i read earlier that economists expect much of the U.S. to become isolated communities concentrating on their own subsistence. This will probably occur after they cross the border to seize our water.
The real question is: do I bother to make my life more green, given I will die quite shortly and will make enough money to avoid most of the turmoil, and embrace the societal decay when they come? I can only hope this occurs within my lifespan. After this point, it will lose all relevance, I suppose. I’d love to farm my own food and trade with locals. The internet has separated our new generation from all concepts of responsibility, and even reality, by creating multitudes of possibilities for self-deception, fake progress, and artificial relationships. I’m not saying we have any responsibilities to anyone but ourselves, just that no one would be aware if they did because we’re too busy acquiring carpel tunnel and proving e-dominance. By the way, quitting computer games has in no means made me happier, and social environments only prove to remind me how much I dislike the world and its contents.
Writing about things I hate sometimes makes me feel better.
I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m considering quitting work and taking a one-way plane to anywhere distant. It will not happen, of course. Victories over misery are so fleeting and inconsequential, I don’t even know what to do. These romantic fancies keep me sane, I suppose. The life responsibilities will only pile on from here.
Oh boy!
